Non-native speakers of English and campaign making - Revision history

TopAce: typos

2010-06-22T21:39:07Z

typos

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	'''Non-native speakers of English face linguistic difficulties''' when writing a campaign to the English-speaking community. Some of these difficulties derive from ~~tyical~~ language deficiencies like spelling, syntax, word order or word choice.		'''Non-native speakers of English face linguistic difficulties''' when writing a campaign to the English-speaking community. Some of these difficulties derive from typical language deficiencies like spelling, syntax, word order or word choice.

	This article will give non-native English speakers some advice on what to pay attention to and how to improve their dialogues from a language perspective. Note that because of the differences between any two non-native speakers of English in regards to the kind of mistakes they make, this article can never fulfil its purpose entirely. This article will merely draw your attention to some typical mistakes non-native speakers make.		This article will give non-native English speakers some advice on what to pay attention to and how to improve their dialogues from a language perspective. Note that because of the differences between any two non-native speakers of English in regards to the kind of mistakes they make, this article can never fulfil its purpose entirely. This article will merely draw your attention to some typical mistakes non-native speakers make.
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	==Expectations==		==Expectations==
	Not being a native speaker of English is not an excuse that you can always get away with. Some speakers of English (not necessarily natives) aren't bothered by some syntactic or spelling mistakes, while others are especially sensitive to grammatical correctness. Typical syntactic mistakes (like malformed questions like "Are you deploy more fighters?") are easily noticed by anyone. Wordy sentences are a different fish in the kettle – even native speakers do that when their ideas flow more quickly than they are capable to input them. Wordy sentences are usually ones that contain more clauses than needed (usually linked by ~~conjuctions~~ like ''and'', ''but'', ''however'', ''although''). Such sentences are to be avoided by splitting the wordy sentence into short sentences using full stops (in US English: periods) (.) or, under some circumstances, semicolons (;). Be careful with semicolons. The FreeSpace engine cannot read a ; in its mission code. If you use FreeSpace Open, use $semicolon instead. Users of retail FreeSpace 2 should just use a full stop.		Not being a native speaker of English is not an excuse that you can always get away with. Some speakers of English (not necessarily natives) aren't bothered by some syntactic or spelling mistakes, while others are especially sensitive to grammatical correctness. Typical syntactic mistakes (like malformed questions like "Are you deploy more fighters?") are easily noticed by anyone. Wordy sentences are a different fish in the kettle – even native speakers do that when their ideas flow more quickly than they are capable to input them. Wordy sentences are usually ones that contain more clauses than needed (usually linked by conjunctions like ''and'', ''but'', ''however'', ''although''). Such sentences are to be avoided by splitting the wordy sentence into short sentences using full stops (in US English: periods) (.) or, under some circumstances, semicolons (;). Be careful with semicolons. The FreeSpace engine cannot read a ; in its mission code. If you use FreeSpace Open, use $semicolon instead. Users of retail FreeSpace 2 should just use a full stop.

	Expectations vary between any two players. Therefore, non-native speakers have to do everything that is within their capabilities to make their campaign as good as possible language-wise to make the job of their native proofreaders as manageable as possible.		Expectations vary between any two players. Therefore, non-native speakers have to do everything that is within their capabilities to make their campaign as good as possible language-wise to make the job of their native proofreaders as manageable as possible.
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	The fastest way to remove words is to open your missions, one by one, in a text editor and look for the appropriate keywords. If you discover that you have indeed used ''insuperable'' more often than it would be natural, [[Non-native speakers of English and campaign making#Thesaurus\|find some synonyms]] or remove these filler words.		The fastest way to remove words is to open your missions, one by one, in a text editor and look for the appropriate keywords. If you discover that you have indeed used ''insuperable'' more often than it would be natural, [[Non-native speakers of English and campaign making#Thesaurus\|find some synonyms]] or remove these filler words.

	Sometimes you just use too many unnecessary words such as "You know," "I mean," "I realize," etc. During the course of making your missions, you will no doubt come across words that you like using, but are essentially meaningless. Keep these largely meaningless expressions in those situations when they're relevant. See [[Wikipedia:Hedge (linguistics)\|Hedge]] for some ~~illustratory~~ examples.		Sometimes you just use too many unnecessary words such as "You know," "I mean," "I realize," etc. During the course of making your missions, you will no doubt come across words that you like using, but are essentially meaningless. Keep these largely meaningless expressions in those situations when they're relevant. See [[Wikipedia:Hedge (linguistics)\|Hedge]] for some examples.

	==Printed material==		==Printed material==

TopAce: formatting mistakes

2009-10-12T19:57:34Z

formatting mistakes

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	Now that the idea of a specific destroyer (NTD ''Iowa'') is introduced in the first sentence, it can be referred to as "an enemy destroyer", and the listeners will know that it actually refers to the ''Iowa'', not any NTF destroyer. We need a third word to refer to the ''Iowa''. For now, let's treat "NTD Iowa" and "Iowa" as two words. If we just replace the second reference from "NTD Iowa" to "enemy destroyer", then it wouldn't sound as a bad example of word repetition. Some further revision will take place as soon as we have dealt with the other two instances of word repetition.		Now that the idea of a specific destroyer (NTD ''Iowa'') is introduced in the first sentence, it can be referred to as "an enemy destroyer", and the listeners will know that it actually refers to the ''Iowa'', not any NTF destroyer. We need a third word to refer to the ''Iowa''. For now, let's treat "NTD Iowa" and "Iowa" as two words. If we just replace the second reference from "NTD Iowa" to "enemy destroyer", then it wouldn't sound as a bad example of word repetition. Some further revision will take place as soon as we have dealt with the other two instances of word repetition.

	Similarly, the name of the squadron ("24th Bastards'') can be changed to something else in the third sentence to avoid word repetition. Let's use the pronoun ''them'' instead. Pronouns exist just for this: to use them instead of the complete full noun.		Similarly, the name of the squadron ("24th Bastards") can be changed to something else in the third sentence to avoid word repetition. Let's use the pronoun ''them'' instead. Pronouns exist just for this: to use them instead of the complete full noun.

	''Jump node'' refers to a location, so using a word of similar meaning (''destination'') or a pronoun (''there'') are adequate replacements.		''Jump node'' refers to a location, so using a word of similar meaning (''destination'') or a pronoun (''there'') are adequate replacements.
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	:'''however''' [3] used to introduce a statement that contrasts with sth that has just been said: "He was feeling bad. He went to work, however, and tried to concentrate." "We thought the figures were correct. However, we have now discovered some errors."		:'''however''' [3] used to introduce a statement that contrasts with sth that has just been said: "He was feeling bad. He went to work, however, and tried to concentrate." "We thought the figures were correct. However, we have now discovered some errors."

	You can see that all three of these words express contrast between ideas, but are used differently. ''Although'' is a true conjunction; it's used to show contrast between two clauses. ''However'' needs at least two sentences to work. Therefore you can start your first paragraph with ''although'' but not with ''however'' ("Although the party was good, we left early." "The party was good. However, we left early."; "However, the party was good, we left early" is incorrect) ''Despite'' is similar to ''although'', but it's used before a noun clause, not a verb clause. ("Despite her best [u]efforts[/u], we couldn't hear her." "Although she [u]did[/u] her best, we couldn't hear her.")		You can see that all three of these words express contrast between ideas, but are used differently. ''Although'' is a true conjunction; it's used to show contrast between two clauses. ''However'' needs at least two sentences to work. Therefore you can start your first paragraph with ''although'' but not with ''however'' ("Although the party was good, we left early." "The party was good. However, we left early."; "However, the party was good, we left early" is incorrect) ''Despite'' is similar to ''although'', but it's used before a noun clause, not a verb clause. ("Despite her best <u>efforts</u>, we couldn't hear her." "Although she <u>did</u> her best, we couldn't hear her.")

	In more fortunate situations, it also gives you a small box that deals with these 'synonyms' in detail.		In more fortunate situations, it also gives you a small box that deals with these 'synonyms' in detail.
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	==Working with sentence patterns==		==Working with sentence patterns==
	As you read native English speakers' writings, you will come across a lot of sentences that sound good, and you decide you want to use a similar sentence in your campaign. [u]Important![/u]: Using entire sentences or sentence combinations can become unlawful, see [[Wikipedia:Plagiarism\|Plagiarism]]. Take out small chunks only. Before using a whole sentence from a media product, consider how general the sentence is. A sentence that requests surrender is a generic one (see below), and there's no harm in using it unless it's said in a unique way. Half a paragraph (with some proper names changed) from Barack Obama's inauguration address is unique. There will be no actual legal action taken (possibly), but it will be noticed and frowned upon.		As you read native English speakers' writings, you will come across a lot of sentences that sound good, and you decide you want to use a similar sentence in your campaign. <u>Important!</u>: Using entire sentences or sentence combinations can become unlawful, see [[Wikipedia:Plagiarism\|Plagiarism]]. Take out small chunks only. Before using a whole sentence from a media product, consider how general the sentence is. A sentence that requests surrender is a generic one (see below), and there's no harm in using it unless it's said in a unique way. Half a paragraph (with some proper names changed) from Barack Obama's inauguration address is unique. There will be no actual legal action taken (possibly), but it will be noticed and frowned upon.

	There will be sentences that you need to modify to fit your campaign's context. Consider the following sentence from the main FreeSpace campaign (A debriefing stage of [[The Romans Blunder]]):		There will be sentences that you need to modify to fit your campaign's context. Consider the following sentence from the main FreeSpace campaign (A debriefing stage of [[The Romans Blunder]]):

TopAce: /* The influence of native language */ one paragraph

2009-10-12T19:51:04Z

The influence of native language: one paragraph

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	A speaker of each foreign language has typical mistakes that derive from the fact that he bases his English sentences (use of articles, word order, choice of preposition, everything!) on the grammar of his native language. Mistakes range from real serious ones that threaten the apprehension of the sentence; for example omitting auxiliaries is a typical mistake for speakers of Hungarian because there are no auxiliaries of any kind in Hungarian. The results are sentences such as "I manager. I looking for my sister". On the other end of the gradient are benign mistakes such a native speaker of French referring to a ship as a 'he' instead of the conventional 'she' or 'it' (See [http://www.hard-light.net/forums/index.php/topic,54854.msg1114915.html#msg1114915 this]). While the former is a common [[Wikipedia:Engrish\|Engrish]] mistake, the latter is related to the way French perceive ships. English either highlights the captain's emotional connection to the ship and use 'she' to refer to the ship or simply use 'it' to give a neutral, unemotional filling to it.		A speaker of each foreign language has typical mistakes that derive from the fact that he bases his English sentences (use of articles, word order, choice of preposition, everything!) on the grammar of his native language. Mistakes range from real serious ones that threaten the apprehension of the sentence; for example omitting auxiliaries is a typical mistake for speakers of Hungarian because there are no auxiliaries of any kind in Hungarian. The results are sentences such as "I manager. I looking for my sister". On the other end of the gradient are benign mistakes such a native speaker of French referring to a ship as a 'he' instead of the conventional 'she' or 'it' (See [http://www.hard-light.net/forums/index.php/topic,54854.msg1114915.html#msg1114915 this]). While the former is a common [[Wikipedia:Engrish\|Engrish]] mistake, the latter is related to the way French perceive ships. English either highlights the captain's emotional connection to the ship and use 'she' to refer to the ship or simply use 'it' to give a neutral, unemotional filling to it.

			There are certain areas of grammar that cause trouble even for advanced English-as-a-second-language speakers of English. Such common mistakes are the use of uncountable nouns as countable ones (''advices'', ''informations'') or creating words that don't exist (speakers of Italian spelling ''participate'' as ''partecipate'' based on the Italian verb ''partecipare'').

	Idioms, slang expressions (including curses), proverbs vary considerably between any two language. Before using any of these in your campaign, look up how it is said in English. Your native help may not know the English equivalent of the proverb you want to use, so make sure that you look it up yourself.		Idioms, slang expressions (including curses), proverbs vary considerably between any two language. Before using any of these in your campaign, look up how it is said in English. Your native help may not know the English equivalent of the proverb you want to use, so make sure that you look it up yourself.

TopAce: /* Naiveté */ some expansion, correction

2009-10-12T19:38:31Z

Naiveté: some expansion, correction

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	==Naiveté==		==Naiveté==
	Now that you have decided to undertake such a difficult task as to create a FreeSpace campaign in a language that's not your native tongue, you certainly perform well at English classes. That's nice and it will serve you well while you are lost in the middle of London or New York to ask for directions and ask about local habits, points of interest and good restaurants. You probably know how to form a passive sentence from an active sentence or when to prefer the present perfect over the simple past tense. If you think that'll be good enough, you're being naive. For a FreeSpace campaign, you need more than that. Not only will you have to convey your message successfully, you must do it as perfectly as ~~it is~~ possible. Some sentence constructions will sound alien to native ears, ~~others will~~ be too ~~wordy~~. These mistakes will distract ~~some~~ players' attention from the actual gameplay.		Now that you have decided to undertake such a difficult task as to create a FreeSpace campaign in a language that's not your native tongue, you certainly perform well at English classes. That's nice and it will serve you well while you are lost in the middle of London or New York to ask for directions and ask about local habits, points of interest and good restaurants. You probably know how to form a passive sentence from an active sentence or when to prefer the present perfect over the simple past tense. If you think that'll be good enough, you're being naive.

			For a FreeSpace campaign, you need more than that. Not only will you have to convey your message successfully, you must do it as perfectly as possible. Some sentence constructions that are technically "grammatically correct" will sound alien to native ears; it's also possible that two native speakers will judge the acceptability of the same sentence on differing degrees. This is meant to say that something being grammatical does not equal being acceptable (despite what some teachers of English might suggest). There is also the issue of wordiness, in which case there are too many words in the sentence to be understandable. This usually happens if the writer wants to say too much within the same sentence. Avoiding one hard-to-understand sentence is feasible if you split the sentence in two or three smaller, clearly connected ones.

			These kind of mistakes will potentially distract players' attention from the actual gameplay.

	==The influence of native language==		==The influence of native language==

TopAce: /* Other media products */ formatting error

2009-10-09T17:43:07Z

Other media products: formatting error

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	Novels, newspapers, movies, text-rich travel guides are also very useful. These products were not written with students of English in mind, unlike grammar reference books that try to explain (often superficially) some points of grammar. These products are a more realistic representation of the actual language in use.		Novels, newspapers, movies, text-rich travel guides are also very useful. These products were not written with students of English in mind, unlike grammar reference books that try to explain (often superficially) some points of grammar. These products are a more realistic representation of the actual language in use.

	First of all, make sure that the material you choose is written by a native English speaker (or it was translated to English by a native speaker). Arthur Koestler's ''[[Wikipedia:Darkness at Noon\|Darkness at Noon]] is reliable, so is James Luceno's ''[[Wikipedia:Star Wars: Labyrinth of Evil\|Star Wars: Labyrinth of Evil]]''; an essay written by a university student or a random blog entry of an unknown author should be treated with due care.		First of all, make sure that the material you choose is written by a native English speaker (or it was translated to English by a native speaker). Arthur Koestler's ''[[Wikipedia:Darkness at Noon\|Darkness at Noon]]'' is reliable, so is James Luceno's ''[[Wikipedia:Star Wars: Labyrinth of Evil\|Star Wars: Labyrinth of Evil]]''; an essay written by a university student or a random blog entry of an unknown author should be treated with due care.

	Novels utilize a tremendous set of vocabulary ranging from all sorts of clause-opening words (''notwithstanding'', ''due to the need to...'') to refined vocabulary items that denote actions (''cower''), feelings (''apathy'') or describe situations (''quagmire''); movies give a lot of instances of everyday talk. From a FreeSpace campaign maker's perspective, noting down every unknown vocabulary item and looking them up in a dictionary takes too much time. When you come across an unknown word, try to conclude if it would be worth it to look it up; a word that denotes a strong emotional state would be worth it, especially if you're making a [[Character-Driven Campaigns\|character-driven campaign]]; another word that denotes a piece of Ancient Japanese clothing is not. Most importantly, avoid overly rhetoric words and expressions. Those words are simply inappropriate for a FreeSpace context.		Novels utilize a tremendous set of vocabulary ranging from all sorts of clause-opening words (''notwithstanding'', ''due to the need to...'') to refined vocabulary items that denote actions (''cower''), feelings (''apathy'') or describe situations (''quagmire''); movies give a lot of instances of everyday talk. From a FreeSpace campaign maker's perspective, noting down every unknown vocabulary item and looking them up in a dictionary takes too much time. When you come across an unknown word, try to conclude if it would be worth it to look it up; a word that denotes a strong emotional state would be worth it, especially if you're making a [[Character-Driven Campaigns\|character-driven campaign]]; another word that denotes a piece of Ancient Japanese clothing is not. Most importantly, avoid overly rhetoric words and expressions. Those words are simply inappropriate for a FreeSpace context.

TopAce: sourced

2009-10-09T17:41:25Z

sourced

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	The example sentence and the rephrase uses the same sentence pattern, with a shift in viewpoint (their --> our), some words and the two noun phrases modified.		The example sentence and the rephrase uses the same sentence pattern, with a shift in viewpoint (their --> our), some words and the two noun phrases modified.

	There are word combinations or grammatical structures that you come across. The following is taken from one of the quest descriptions of ''[[Wikipedia:World of Warcraft\|World of Warcraft]]'':		There are word combinations or grammatical structures that you come across. The following is taken from [http://wow.gamepressure.com/quest.asp?ID=517 one of the quest descriptions] of ''[[Wikipedia:World of Warcraft\|World of Warcraft]]'':

	:''My Witherbark companions don't take kindly to strangers around their home.''		:''My Witherbark companions don't take kindly to strangers around their home.''

TopAce: /* Repetition */ formatting

2009-10-09T17:36:42Z

Repetition: formatting

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	Fortunately, we have two proper nouns here that can be replaced by relevant common nouns (any proper noun can be referred to by a common noun). Keeping the proper noun in the first sentence is necessary to introduce the idea of a <u>specific</u> hostile destroyer that we'll be talking about in the briefing. Using the proper noun instead of a noun phrase ("an enemy destroyer") is necessary to emphasize that it is the NTD ''Iowa'' that is important. If "An enemy destroyer" is used to introduce the idea of a destroyer, it is the ship type of the ship that matters.		Fortunately, we have two proper nouns here that can be replaced by relevant common nouns (any proper noun can be referred to by a common noun). Keeping the proper noun in the first sentence is necessary to introduce the idea of a <u>specific</u> hostile destroyer that we'll be talking about in the briefing. Using the proper noun instead of a noun phrase ("an enemy destroyer") is necessary to emphasize that it is the NTD ''Iowa'' that is important. If "An enemy destroyer" is used to introduce the idea of a destroyer, it is the ship type of the ship that matters.

	"The NTD Iowa is heading to the jump node" (It's important to take down the NTD Iowa because Admiral xxx is on board)		:''The NTD Iowa is heading to the jump node'' (It's important to take down the NTD Iowa because Admiral xxx is on board)
	''An enemy destroyer is heading to the jump node'' (Any enemy destroyer that's heading to the jump node is a threat)		:''An enemy destroyer is heading to the jump node'' (Any enemy destroyer that's heading to the jump node is a threat)

	Now that the idea of a specific destroyer (NTD ''Iowa'') is introduced in the first sentence, it can be referred to as "an enemy destroyer", and the listeners will know that it actually refers to the ''Iowa'', not any NTF destroyer. We need a third word to refer to the ''Iowa''. For now, let's treat "NTD Iowa" and "Iowa" as two words. If we just replace the second reference from "NTD Iowa" to "enemy destroyer", then it wouldn't sound as a bad example of word repetition. Some further revision will take place as soon as we have dealt with the other two instances of word repetition.		Now that the idea of a specific destroyer (NTD ''Iowa'') is introduced in the first sentence, it can be referred to as "an enemy destroyer", and the listeners will know that it actually refers to the ''Iowa'', not any NTF destroyer. We need a third word to refer to the ''Iowa''. For now, let's treat "NTD Iowa" and "Iowa" as two words. If we just replace the second reference from "NTD Iowa" to "enemy destroyer", then it wouldn't sound as a bad example of word repetition. Some further revision will take place as soon as we have dealt with the other two instances of word repetition.

TopAce: actually, "weasel words" mean something else

2009-10-09T17:35:45Z

actually, "weasel words" mean something else

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	This doesn't sound right. It looks as if the writer didn't know what he wanted to talk about. The ideas are not connected very well, and there are some inappropriate clauses that have to be removed. Well, let's consider what we want our briefing to talk about: The mission's background (our spy has been exposed), the mission objective (get him out!), the enemy you will encounter, and perhaps the GTVA fighers' default loadout.		This doesn't sound right. It looks as if the writer didn't know what he wanted to talk about. The ideas are not connected very well, and there are some inappropriate clauses that have to be removed. Well, let's consider what we want our briefing to talk about: The mission's background (our spy has been exposed), the mission objective (get him out!), the enemy you will encounter, and perhaps the GTVA fighers' default loadout.

	Let's try to organize this briefing stage a bit more clearly. Translate this into your native language and work with that if that's what you prefer. Otherwise just categorize the sentences based on what they are about, change the order, then, if possible, use linking words like ''because'' or ''nevertheless'' to clarify how the clauses (=parts of the sentence) are related. Another trick is to use so-called ~~weasel words~~ to make it a little bit more colourful. ~~Weasel words~~ are words that serve no or limited real purpose, for example ''You know'' ''Unfortunately'', ''You can probably see that'', etc.		Let's try to organize this briefing stage a bit more clearly. Translate this into your native language and work with that if that's what you prefer. Otherwise just categorize the sentences based on what they are about, change the order, then, if possible, use linking words like ''because'' or ''nevertheless'' to clarify how the clauses (=parts of the sentence) are related. Another trick is to use so-called hedges to make it a little bit more colourful. Hedges are words that serve no or limited real purpose, for example ''You know'' ''Unfortunately'', ''You can probably see that'', etc.

	Here's a quick revision:		Here's a quick revision:

TopAce: new section - hope it's legible and not too complicated

2009-10-09T17:14:01Z

new section - hope it's legible and not too complicated

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	Now you can see how the ideas relate to each other. Note that the sentence "You'll fly Hercules fighters" has been removed. Perhaps it's a better idea to deal with the friendly fighters in the next briefing stage after the mission has been outlined. The above paragraph is still not good enough, but it's a step ahead in comparison with the first draft. Native speakers can now help in correcting your word choice ("strongly guarded" should be "heavily guarded"; "area of engagement" should be "field of engagement" and spelling (''ixpose'' to ''expose'') or possible punctuation (hyphenate "Orion class destroyer" to "Orion-class destroyer"). Any native speaker could help in picking the correct word. Fewer can spell perfectly and even fewer know when hyphens are used.		Now you can see how the ideas relate to each other. Note that the sentence "You'll fly Hercules fighters" has been removed. Perhaps it's a better idea to deal with the friendly fighters in the next briefing stage after the mission has been outlined. The above paragraph is still not good enough, but it's a step ahead in comparison with the first draft. Native speakers can now help in correcting your word choice ("strongly guarded" should be "heavily guarded"; "area of engagement" should be "field of engagement" and spelling (''ixpose'' to ''expose'') or possible punctuation (hyphenate "Orion class destroyer" to "Orion-class destroyer"). Any native speaker could help in picking the correct word. Fewer can spell perfectly and even fewer know when hyphens are used.

			===Repetition===
			In this article, repetition refers to two phenomena: 1) repetition of words (within a range of a small number of sentences) and 2) repetition of rare expressions that are used more frequently in the campaign than they would be used by native English speakers. Neither of these mistakes is strictly related to using a language you don't speak natively. Repetition of words happens in everyday life even between native speakers of a language, especially in spoken language. In written language, however, students are taught to avoid word repetition whenever possible.

			====Repetition of words====
			Repeating the same word in a short span of space looks unprofessional. Consider the following short briefing stage:
			:''The NTD Iowa is heading to the Alpha Centauri-Deneb jump node. The 24th Bastards heavy bomber unit must prevent the Iowa from reaching the jump node. Alpha wing must escort the 24th Bastads until they destroy the Iowa.''

			The following words (or word combinations) were used more than once:
			*''(NTD) Iowa'' x 3
			*''24th Bastards'' x 2
			*''jump node'' x 2

			Fortunately, we have two proper nouns here that can be replaced by relevant common nouns (any proper noun can be referred to by a common noun). Keeping the proper noun in the first sentence is necessary to introduce the idea of a <u>specific</u> hostile destroyer that we'll be talking about in the briefing. Using the proper noun instead of a noun phrase ("an enemy destroyer") is necessary to emphasize that it is the NTD ''Iowa'' that is important. If "An enemy destroyer" is used to introduce the idea of a destroyer, it is the ship type of the ship that matters.

			"The NTD Iowa is heading to the jump node" (It's important to take down the NTD Iowa because Admiral xxx is on board)
			''An enemy destroyer is heading to the jump node'' (Any enemy destroyer that's heading to the jump node is a threat)

			Now that the idea of a specific destroyer (NTD ''Iowa'') is introduced in the first sentence, it can be referred to as "an enemy destroyer", and the listeners will know that it actually refers to the ''Iowa'', not any NTF destroyer. We need a third word to refer to the ''Iowa''. For now, let's treat "NTD Iowa" and "Iowa" as two words. If we just replace the second reference from "NTD Iowa" to "enemy destroyer", then it wouldn't sound as a bad example of word repetition. Some further revision will take place as soon as we have dealt with the other two instances of word repetition.

			Similarly, the name of the squadron ("24th Bastards'') can be changed to something else in the third sentence to avoid word repetition. Let's use the pronoun ''them'' instead. Pronouns exist just for this: to use them instead of the complete full noun.

			''Jump node'' refers to a location, so using a word of similar meaning (''destination'') or a pronoun (''there'') are adequate replacements.

			This is what we have after getting rid of repeated words:
			:''The NTD Iowa is heading to the Alpha Centauri-Deneb jump node. The 24th Bastards heavy bomber unit must prevent the enemy destroyer from reaching its destination. Alpha wing must escort them until they destroy the Iowa.''

			Some more touchups are still needed. Let's try to use as few words as possible to deliver the same meaning:

			:''The NTD Iowa is heading to the Alpha Centauri-Deneb jump node. The 24th Bastards heavy bomber unit has been deployed to intercept it. Alpha wing must play escort.''

			We've trimmed down our briefing stage a bit. There were too many references to handle in such a short briefing stage. Note that there are two references to the ''Iowa'' in the paragraph above ("NTD Iowa" and "it"). We removed the direct Iowa reference from the last sentence, because Alpha wing already knows who the bombers will be targeting, and their goal is to defend the bombers. It's not necessary to mention the ''Iowa'' for the third time.<br>
			There's only one reference to the jump node in the current version. The verb ''intercept'' entails that if the ''Iowa'' jumps out, the bombers will fail their mission. The verb phrase "has been deployed" was also used instead of ''must'', because there's already a ''must'' in the third sentence.

			====Repetition of expressions====
			In this article, repetition of expressions refers to using rare words or word combinations more frequently than they would be used in everyday talk. For example, while looking for words you might be able to use in your campaign, you come across the adjective ''insuperable''. You memorize it and start to use it. However, you will realize that this word is not as common as you have been using it. You remember using ''insuperable'' a number of times already in your missions, so you decide to remove some instances of it.

			The fastest way to remove words is to open your missions, one by one, in a text editor and look for the appropriate keywords. If you discover that you have indeed used ''insuperable'' more often than it would be natural, [[Non-native speakers of English and campaign making#Thesaurus\|find some synonyms]] or remove these filler words.

			Sometimes you just use too many unnecessary words such as "You know," "I mean," "I realize," etc. During the course of making your missions, you will no doubt come across words that you like using, but are essentially meaningless. Keep these largely meaningless expressions in those situations when they're relevant. See [[Wikipedia:Hedge (linguistics)\|Hedge]] for some illustratory examples.

	==Printed material==		==Printed material==

TopAce: some more alterations (additions, clarification)

2009-07-19T10:47:40Z

some more alterations (additions, clarification)

← Older revision		Revision as of 10:47, 19 July 2009
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	====Two-language dictionaries====		====Two-language dictionaries====
	A two-language dictionary is a dictionary that gives you words in ''Language A'' and its equivalents in ''Language B''. Dictionaries with unambiguous titles like English-German Dictionary and German-English Dictionary are typical examples. These dictionaries are useful to look up nouns that denote things that can be found everywhere: vehicles, tools, parts of a ship, to name a few FS-relevant ones. ~~You can also look up terms related~~ to human characteristics (''proud'') or ~~ones that describe a situation~~ (''blunder'').		A two-language dictionary is a dictionary that gives you words in ''Language A'' and its equivalents in ''Language B''. Dictionaries with unambiguous titles like English-German Dictionary and German-English Dictionary are typical examples. These dictionaries are useful to look up nouns that denote things that can be found everywhere: vehicles, tools, parts of a ship, to name a few FS-relevant ones. The English equivalents are the same as in your native language: A loading ramp is a loading ramp everywhere. There is no alternate way to say it. More abstract nouns, like ones that denote human characteristics (''proud'') or situations (''blunder'') may vary between the two languages.

	====English-only dictionaries====		====English-only dictionaries====
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	:'''however''' [3] used to introduce a statement that contrasts with sth that has just been said: "He was feeling bad. He went to work, however, and tried to concentrate." "We thought the figures were correct. However, we have now discovered some errors."		:'''however''' [3] used to introduce a statement that contrasts with sth that has just been said: "He was feeling bad. He went to work, however, and tried to concentrate." "We thought the figures were correct. However, we have now discovered some errors."

	You can see that all three of these words express contrast between ideas, but are used differently. ''Although'' is a true conjunction; it's used to show contrast between two clauses. ''However'' needs at least two sentences to work. Therefore you can start your first paragraph with ''although'' but not with ''however'' ("Although the party was good, we left early." "The party was good. However, we left early."; "However, the party was good, we left early" is incorrect) ''Despite'' is similar to ''although'', but it's used before a noun clause, not a verb clause. ("Despite her best <u>efforts</u>, we couldn't hear her." "Although she <u>did</u> her best, we couldn't hear her.")		You can see that all three of these words express contrast between ideas, but are used differently. ''Although'' is a true conjunction; it's used to show contrast between two clauses. ''However'' needs at least two sentences to work. Therefore you can start your first paragraph with ''although'' but not with ''however'' ("Although the party was good, we left early." "The party was good. However, we left early."; "However, the party was good, we left early" is incorrect) ''Despite'' is similar to ''although'', but it's used before a noun clause, not a verb clause. ("Despite her best [u]efforts[/u], we couldn't hear her." "Although she [u]did[/u] her best, we couldn't hear her.")

	In more fortunate situations, it also gives you a small box that deals with these 'synonyms' in detail.		In more fortunate situations, it also gives you a small box that deals with these 'synonyms' in detail.
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	:'''discuss''' (''verb'') "I discussed the matter with my wife"; '''talk over''', talk about, talk through, converse about, debate, confer about, deliberate about, chew over, consider, weigh up, consider the pros and cons of, thrash out; (informal) kick around/about, bat around/about		:'''discuss''' (''verb'') "I discussed the matter with my wife"; '''talk over''', talk about, talk through, converse about, debate, confer about, deliberate about, chew over, consider, weigh up, consider the pros and cons of, thrash out; (informal) kick around/about, bat around/about

	Lot of words, isn't it? ~~You~~ can ~~pinpoint~~ some pairs and explain the difference between their meanings. Here are a few:		Lot of words, isn't it? Hopefully, you can take out some pairs and explain the difference between their meanings without a dictionary. Here are a few:
	*''talk over'' entails that there is some kind of agreement in the end		*''talk over'' entails that there is some kind of agreement in the end
	*''talk through'' denotes (and highlights) the difficulties that the speaking partners were facing		*''talk through'' denotes (and highlights) the difficulties that the speaking partners were facing
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	Well, you can see that these senses are related, but are not interchangeable (=completely synonymous). It does matter whether you talk about the weather or discuss it. Talking about it is something you do on a daily basis. Discussing it is the job of meteorologists.		Well, you can see that these senses are related, but are not interchangeable (=completely synonymous). It does matter whether you talk about the weather or discuss it. Talking about it is something you do on a daily basis. Discussing it is the job of meteorologists.

	Use a thesaurus to pick the best word and to enrich the vocabulary of your writing.		Use a thesaurus to pick the best word in the given context and to enrich the vocabulary of your writing.

	===Grammar reference===		===Grammar reference===
	There are advanced grammar reference books in circulation in any country. Your high school English book is not what you're looking for. You need something that deals with English grammar in greater detail. A traditional English schoolbook gives you some definitions and examples and attempts to explain the most common uses of a certain grammatical structure, but it's not everything that you need.		There are advanced grammar reference books in circulation in any country. Your high school English book is not what you're looking for. You need something that deals with English grammar in greater detail. A traditional English schoolbook gives you some definitions and examples and attempts to explain only the most common uses of a certain grammatical structure, but it's not everything that you need.

	Look up strange and complex sentence structures (use or ''neither... nor''), proper use of prepositions and tenses here, to name just a few.		Look up strange and complex sentence structures (use or ''neither... nor''), proper use of prepositions and tenses here, to name just a few.
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	Novels, newspapers, movies, text-rich travel guides are also very useful. These products were not written with students of English in mind, unlike grammar reference books that try to explain (often superficially) some points of grammar. These products are a more realistic representation of the actual language in use.		Novels, newspapers, movies, text-rich travel guides are also very useful. These products were not written with students of English in mind, unlike grammar reference books that try to explain (often superficially) some points of grammar. These products are a more realistic representation of the actual language in use.

	First of all, make sure that the material you choose is written by a native English speaker (or it was translated to English by a native speaker). Arthur Koestler's ''[[Wikipedia:Darkness at Noon\|Darkness at Noon]]'' is reliable, so is James Luceno's ''[[Wikipedia:Star Wars: Labyrinth of Evil\|Star Wars: Labyrinth of Evil]]''; an essay written by a university student or a random blog entry of an unknown author should be treated with due care.		First of all, make sure that the material you choose is written by a native English speaker (or it was translated to English by a native speaker). Arthur Koestler's ''[[Wikipedia:Darkness at Noon\|Darkness at Noon]] is reliable, so is James Luceno's ''[[Wikipedia:Star Wars: Labyrinth of Evil\|Star Wars: Labyrinth of Evil]]''; an essay written by a university student or a random blog entry of an unknown author should be treated with due care.

	Novels utilize a tremendous set of vocabulary ranging from all sorts of clause-opening words (''notwithstanding'', ''due to the need to...'') to refined vocabulary items that denote actions (''cower''), feelings (''apathy'') or describe situations (''quagmire''); movies give a lot of instances of everyday talk. From a FreeSpace campaign maker's perspective, noting down every unknown vocabulary item and looking them up in a dictionary takes too much time. When you come across an unknown word, try to conclude if it would be worth it to look it up; a word that denotes a strong emotional state would be worth it, especially if you're making a [[Character-Driven Campaigns\|character-driven campaign]]; another word that denotes a piece of Ancient Japanese clothing is not. Most importantly, avoid overly rhetoric words and expressions. Those words are simply inappropriate for a FreeSpace context.		Novels utilize a tremendous set of vocabulary ranging from all sorts of clause-opening words (''notwithstanding'', ''due to the need to...'') to refined vocabulary items that denote actions (''cower''), feelings (''apathy'') or describe situations (''quagmire''); movies give a lot of instances of everyday talk. From a FreeSpace campaign maker's perspective, noting down every unknown vocabulary item and looking them up in a dictionary takes too much time. When you come across an unknown word, try to conclude if it would be worth it to look it up; a word that denotes a strong emotional state would be worth it, especially if you're making a [[Character-Driven Campaigns\|character-driven campaign]]; another word that denotes a piece of Ancient Japanese clothing is not. Most importantly, avoid overly rhetoric words and expressions. Those words are simply inappropriate for a FreeSpace context.

	Movies are great to extract some everyday collocations (word combinations that always come together) or frequently used phrases: ''Under these circumstances'', ''baffle about''. Use of subtitles is recommended.		Movies are great to extract some everyday collocations (=word combinations that always come together) or frequently used phrases: ''Under these circumstances'', ''baffle about''. Use of subtitles is recommended.

	==Working with sentence patterns==		==Working with sentence patterns==
	As you read native English speakers' writings, you will come across a lot of sentences that sound good, and you decide you want to use a similar sentence in your campaign. <u>Important!</u>: Using entire sentences or sentence combinations can become unlawful, see [[Wikipedia:Plagiarism\|Plagiarism]]. Take out small chunks only. Before using a whole sentence from a media product, consider how general the sentence is. A sentence that requests surrender is a generic one (see below), and there's no harm in using it unless it's said in a unique way. Half a paragraph (with some proper names changed) from Barack Obama's inauguration address is ~~too~~ unique. There will be no actual legal action taken (possibly), but it will be noticed and frowned upon.		As you read native English speakers' writings, you will come across a lot of sentences that sound good, and you decide you want to use a similar sentence in your campaign. [u]Important![/u]: Using entire sentences or sentence combinations can become unlawful, see [[Wikipedia:Plagiarism\|Plagiarism]]. Take out small chunks only. Before using a whole sentence from a media product, consider how general the sentence is. A sentence that requests surrender is a generic one (see below), and there's no harm in using it unless it's said in a unique way. Half a paragraph (with some proper names changed) from Barack Obama's inauguration address is unique. There will be no actual legal action taken (possibly), but it will be noticed and frowned upon.

	There will be sentences that you need to modify to fit your campaign's context. Consider the following sentence from the main FreeSpace campaign (A debriefing stage of [[The Romans Blunder]]):		There will be sentences that you need to modify to fit your campaign's context. Consider the following sentence from the main FreeSpace campaign (A debriefing stage of [[The Romans Blunder]]):

	:''~~Eighty~~ percent of their pilots was wiped out in Deneb, so they're desperate for new pilots.''		:''Eigthy percent of their pilots was wiped out in Deneb, so they're desperate for new pilots.''

	A possible rephrase:		A possible rephrase:
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	:''My Witherbark companions don't take kindly to strangers around their home.''		:''My Witherbark companions don't take kindly to strangers around their home.''

	You like the expression "don't take kindly to ~~sth~~" and decide to use it. This is a possible [[FREDder]]-usable sentence that uses this expression (possibly in a debriefing):		You like the expression "don't take kindly to" and decide to use it. This is a possible [[FREDder]]-usable sentence that uses this expression (possibly in a debriefing):

	:''I don't take kindly to your wayward actions, pilot.''		:''I don't take kindly to your wayward actions, pilot.''